Myalgic Encephalomyelitis : How it feels

 

 

So I’m going to talk to you about my worst condition, one that’s still relatively new to me and it’s called M.E or Myalgic Encephalomyelitis.

I can’t even begin to tell you what this one feels like, but I’m going to try.  

Having M.E feels like your body is against you, like your mind is trapped in this vessel that you swear is trying to kill you. it's like extreme flu but you are told to run a endless marathon, can you imagine the pain?

You can wake up one day in absolute agony, there’s not a joint, bone or muscle that doesn’t hurt. Your head begins to spin as you try to move…moving becomes the most hardest of tasks from just sitting up to getting to one place to another. An everyday task feels impossible from just climbing the stairs or brushing your teeth. Sometimes your legs go from under you from the pain or sheer exhaustion the amount of times I’ve fallen now just trying to get from one room to another is ridiculous and the frustration you feel at yourself is so hard.

Your muscles go to jelly and all energy is wiped from your body, its physically, mentally and emotionally draining, even speaking is hard and remembering the words you want to come out can be a struggle at times. I can have conversations with people that I don't recall moments after.

It makes you resent your body, how without explanation can it make you feel so much pain? you’re telling it to do one thing and its fighting against you and its exhausting, the tiredness you feel is painful, Your throat now begins to feel like its swelling with pain, like you’ve swallowed razor blades! Your glands are so sore! And my neck is almost impossible to move at this point.

I want to be able to wash my hair without feeling like I’m going to pass out, I want to be able to get down the stairs without feeling scared I could fall at any time, I want to be able to lift my arms up to reach for something without the sheer pain in my joints and most of all I want to know it won’t always be this way, but right now I just don’t know how long this will affect my life.

You get scared people will judge you and you find yourself forever explaining how it feels but nothing makes them understand, and maybe part of you plays it down because you don’t want to admit how much it bothers you that something like this has managed to take away the life you wanted for yourself or is able to affect you the way it does because it makes you feel weak. I just want to reassure people you’re not alone in this, people do understand exactly how this feels and the frustration that comes with it, and I am happy to open up and talk to anyone who might be struggling or just wants to talk about it.

I always try and stay positive and I am determined I will not let this take over who I am I have M.E but its not ME!

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Email: Kristy.robertson@outlook.com